


Pills and Potions

by Volleyball_Dannichan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Feels, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Disorder, Trigger Warnings, Yaoi, a lot of swearing, aot - Freeform, cursing, eren x levi - Freeform, ereri, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:50:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volleyball_Dannichan/pseuds/Volleyball_Dannichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One is depressed. The other supposedly schizophrenic. Between the prescriptions and other insanity, will they find peace with one another?<br/>((Warning, this story may be triggering to some people, destructive behavior (cutting, drinking, sexual scenes, some suicidal behavior, etc.) will happen within the story. Please, DO NOT read if these type of topics are triggering or uncomfortable for you.))<br/>[ My Original Story on Wattpad: Mr_Rivaille_</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi stared down at the medication in his hand. Prozac. Damn. 

He huffed, looking at the small pills in his possession. 

He had half a mind to just overdose, but he figured if he lived, shitty glasses would pester him to no end. Not to mention he'd then be put back on suicide watch. That was true hell within itself. 

Suddenly, 'Pills n Potions' by NIcki Minaj started playing on Pandora. How that monstrosity of an artist got on his Pandora he had no idea. He couldn't stand mainstream artists, especially her. The woman seemed delusional. Hanji enjoyed her music, but Hanji was delusional too, so it made sense. But she wasn't screaming or saying weird analogies in this song, so he could tolerate it. Besides, it was perfect for a parody.

_Pills like Prozac,_

_You know what, fuck that,_

_I hate this shit so_

_fu-u-uck you,_

_Pills and Prozac,_

_God I hate Prozac,_

_Can't stand it but_

_I ha-a-ve too._

Never before had Levi been so grateful to Nicki Minaj for her musical talents.

Once he'd swallowed down the 'happy' pills with some water, he began getting ready for the day ahead. He had three classes today, Social Psychology, AP Statistics, and French. The only class he actually gave two shits about was French, and that was only because it came so naturally to him. He'd studied abroad in France for three years in high school, returning to America for his senior year. He nearly forgot (on purpose, of course) about his doctor/therapist/ supposed friend Hanji asked him to come to some dumb AA type meeting thing called 'Positive Energy'. Whatever the fuck that was. He wanted to ditch it, not really interested in human interaction, but Hanji treatened to increase the time he was taing that damned Prozac. So 'Positive Energy' it was. 

Levi stared out the window with the bored expression he always had during class. Nothing was different, nothing caught his interest. Even on Prozac, which was supposedly made to help these symptoms of depression, wasn't doing much. Probably because he'd formed a bit of a tolerance to it from the years of taking the shit. All the shitty doctors did was increase the dosage, not understanding why the ravenette never stayed on his Prozac happy high for longer than an hour, and that was on a good day.

Levi wondered as well, why he never seemed to be happy. It was like he was born sad,  uninterested in life.

_"Levi, why don't you play with the other kids?" His family and teachers would ask._

_Because. I just don't feel like it. Why can't people just leave me alone? I just want to be alone...Alone.....Leave me alone,_ His answers soon became, getting frustrated with the people around him. Always forcing him to go to these stupid birthday parties and gatherings, hoping that something would spark the interest. Nothing ever had. Levi just didn't see life the way others saw it. He was fine with that, but everyone else found it very concering. He'd never thought he was depressed or suicidal. He never considered himself emo. He was just uninterested in the things kids, pre-teens, teenagers his age were into. 

His adoptive parent, Kenny Ackerman, who he considered to be something close to his father, seemed to understand this, and left the boy alone to his own devices. Even if those devices were just sitting at home and doing nothing. Levi liked that. All Kenny required was that Levi know how to defend himself. He could deal with the seven hours a week spent in Kenny's basement, punching at a low hanging punching bag and old boxing equipment, going out to the shooting range and learning how to use a gun, the proper way to shank someone. Normal people found Kenny's teachings concerning, but Levi found them to actually be worth his time. That was the first time he'd found something that truly interested him. Violence. 

He spent his pre-teen years in and out of juvenille detention, getting into fights with everyone who would take him up on his challenges. After Levi was sent there for the three months for a particularly brutal fight, Kenny decided to rear the rough edged boy in, letting him direct that fighting spirit into boxing. His whole eighth grade after school time was spent inside the walls of a boxing gym that a friend of Kenny's owned.  Fight after fight, Kenny often teased the ravenette, saying that getting knocked on his ass would stunt his growth. The five-foot three Levi was now convinced Kenny had jinxed him.

Levi was dragged out of his thought processes when his professor, who didn't seem to like the ravenette's constantly bored state in his class, calle dout his name.

"What do you think, Mr. Ackerman? Since this topic is so uninteresting to you, perhaps you'd like to explain what is runnng through your mind instead," Professor Marianne asked him, her bitchy and pointed face glaring at him. Levi rolled his eyes, lazily dragging his face to face her direction.

"What the hell is this, high school? You're going to fail me anyway, simply because you're a bitch who clearly hasn't gotten fucked in God knows how long and you dislike the fact that I actually don't give a fuck about it." He said, his signature bored face staring her dead in the eye as her face reddened. Whether it was in anger or embarrassment, Levi didn't know or care. Probably both.

"Get. Out." The woman said through gritted teeth.

"Happily." Levi growled, grabbing his bag and getting out his seat. When he reached the door, he flipped off the entire class, turning to his professor and flying two birds her direction.

"And that fuck is specifically for you, sweetheart. You need it." He sneered, bursting the door open.

Never before had Levi actually been happy about anything in his life. But telling that bitch to go fuck herself was certainly something to be happy about.


	2. Lady Loxapine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a look into Eren's side of this story.

Eren's eyes popped open, and immediately closed them. Shit, it was bright......damn this hangover. He groaned, not wanting to move from his place, sprawled out on someone's couch. He'd gone to a wild party the night before. Well  _he_ didn't. He went all schizophrenic insane an hour before he made his way out the house, and this was the result. 

He slowly willed himself to sit up, his muscles complaining as he moved. He rubbed his eye, certain that they were blood shot and probably sported dark circles around them. Eren sighed as he finally sat all the way up, observing the trashed party house before him. Empty and partially full red solo cups littered the floor, stains and splatters from God  knows what. The music was faintly playing from the stereo, a major contrast from the blaring music from a few hours before. Once the brunette got himself to a state of full consciousness, he immediately checked for his phone, which was luckily in his back pocket. He unlocked the screen, only to be greeted by a cascade of worried texts and messages from his adoptive sister and his best friend. 

_**8  new messages from: Mikasa** _

_Thursday, 10:43 PM_

_**Eren? Where are you? You've been out for an hour, I'm getting worried. Why haven't you called me back?** _

_Thursday, 11:25 PM_

_**Eren, come on, answer the phone....** _

_Thursday, 11:59 PM_

_**Eren! Where the hell are you?!?** _

_Friday, 12:13 AM_

_**Eren, Armin and I are getting upset...answer the phone, respond, I know you're gettiing these messages** _

_Friday, 12:35 AM_

_**Eren, please, come home. We're getting scared. At least respond and say you're ok....** _

_Friday, 1:01 AM_

_**Goddammit Eren! TELL US WHERE YOU ARE!!!!** _

_Friday, 1:11 AM_

_**Eren,  just call us, please...please....** _

_Friday, 2:27 AM_

_**Eren, please be okay....please come home....please....we're really worried about you....you didn't try it again did you? Please, Eren, come home soon.....** _

Eren sighed as he listened to all the messages that a panicked Mikasa left, all the worried and upset words from Armin. He felt bad for disappearing on them again, but in a way he couldn't help it. He couldn't control himself when his secondary personality took hold of him. It was a severe case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with him, and it was getting worse. 

Eren barely remembered anything that had happened the night before, but knowing how he got when he was in his secondary mood. He scrolled down to his photos and began looking through them.

From the photos he could tell things got incredibly insane at the party. His eyes were wide as he looked through. There he was, standing on a table and chugging down anything in the cup he had in his hand, then he was locking lips with some random girl, then two random girls, then three, all climbing over him, leaving perfume scents and nips all over him. Then a video. Shit. Eren hated these times he spent watching the aftermath of his escapades, knowing that they never turned out to go well. But he had to know what destructive behavior he'd fallen into this time. 

He pressed play.

He heard the blaring music and someone leading him away to a room, he was overly intoxicated and yelling slurred words that no one sober would be able to understand. A brunette with some blonde highlights laced in her hair pulled him into that room, giggling and smashing her lips to his. By the way it was filmed, Eren concluded that he hadn't recorded the scene on purpose, probably just switched his phone to video mode somehow without noticing. Eren could barely watch as he saw himself make out with this girl, strip her and himself down to nothing, and hook up without a second thought. The video cut out, and Eren stared at his phone with a blank expression. 

He loathed his opposite side. 

This other side of him had a name, too. Once while on his wild tirades, he'd woken up the next day with a searing pain on his lower back. He looked in the mirror to see an intricate and well designed tattoo, with the name 'Jake' underneath. It was a pretty bad ass and well done tattoo, he gave him that. The tattoo had several concepts. In the middle was a pair of wings, one white and one blue inside of a green shield, the number '104' sitting right above them, and a banner above it that said 'Survey Corps' in fancy lettering. The lower banner said 'Wall Maria, 845' and right underneath it was his secondary person's name, with a code name, 'The Rogue Titan' in German and written in a Gothic font. Eren did get a lot of cool points at school for the tat, but he couldn't explain the meaning of anything on it. He still had no idea who had even drawn the tattoo. 

He couldn't say he hated this 'Jake' fellow he could become,but it certainly would cause him a lot of problems.

He'd always had issues with his schizophrenic diagnoses, but usually it was just because of his anger issues. But as he got older, the symptoms became more severe. Where once, his anger could be appeased with music or a small dosage of pediatric medication, he now was at a point where he needed more help to control himself. And after his mother died, it got even worse. It started with disturbing drawings of people getting eaten by massive humanoid creatures, the gore an detail of the sketches being the most concerning. Then the cutting began, and the final straw came when he attempted suicide. When asked why, he--well, R.T. gave the reason of 'just wanting to end this fuckery of a life'. 

He was put on suicide watch, and prescribed to Loxapine. 

Eren didn't mind taking loxapine. The side effects didn't seem to bother him much, the occasional random nap or insomnia was kind of problematic, but eventually they went away.  It was that damn bastard, Jake, who always got in the way. He always found a way to show up when it was time to take his medication, and some how the pills would disappear, but not into Eren. No one noticed this until Mikasa watched him as he took his dose for the day and saw him drop it down the drain.

After that, Mikasa took it upon herself to make sure he took it. Mikasa and Jake didn't seem to get along very well, however. At all. She would have to pin Eren down and force him to swallow the dose for the day as the boy struggled under her. She understood, that it wasn't really Eren who was fighting against her so violently, but that didn't make doing it any easier. Usually she would succeed in making him take the pills, but Jake had begun to get craftier. He would swallow and pass her test of checking for the pill in his mouth, but lately, he'd force himself to throw it up after she left. 

Which was what happened this morning. And that would explain why he was here, at this random party, with no idea what happened except for the photo evidence he had in his phone. Which he would be deleting on the way home. 

Speaking of home, he needed to get back there and deal with explaining Jake's actions.

Eren quietly stalked out of the house, and when he reached the end of the long driveway, he found himself at the rich part of town. It would take him at least half an hour to get home and then he still needed enough time to get ready for school. It was five twenty five. He needed to get moving. 

His half an hour walk home took forty-five minutes due to his hangover and disoriented sense of direction. He leaned against the door once he was inside, wishing he could just go to his room and take a long nap. But missing another day of school would mean he would have to make up the days during the summer, and he couldn't stand school in the first place, so he wanted to avoid that at all costs. 

"Eren?" Mikasa's alert voice called from the living room. Eren sighed, shuffling toward the carpet of the room.

"Hey," he croaked out, his mouth and throat dried out from a night full of drinking nothing but alcohol. Mikasa jumped off the couch, running over and embracing Eren.

"Eren, oh my God, thank God you're okay," she whispered, hugging the life out of him. He sighed, hugging her back.

"I'm sorry, I got your messages. I promise, I wasn't--"

"Shush. I know." She said sharply, knowing who was in charge of Eren the past few hours. She pulled out of their hug with a stern look on her face. "What did he do?"

Eren scratched the back of his head. "It was pretty crazy, so you may want to sit down."

After Eren relayed his night out to his sister, she ran her hands into her hair, sighing. "Jesus Christ Eren," she groaned. "You hooked up with some random chick?"

Eren's face flushed as he nodded in shame. 

"But you're gay," she said, not understanding at all why he'd do that. "Even _he's_ gay for Christ's sake." He being Jake, of course.

Eren shrugged, staring down at the glass of water in front of him. "I'm completely gay, but I'm starting to think he's just into sex in general." He said, not wanting to remember all the other sexual things he'd partaken in because of Jake. Once he'd gotten himself in a massive orgy. He was lucky to snap out of it before it began, he'd never seen so many naked people in one place ever. He didn't tell Mikasa about that, though.

Mikasa sighed, rubbing his back. "Well, your new therapist called. She wants you to come to some accountability group called 'Positive Energy'. I think you should go. "

"Are you kidding? No way," he scoffed. "People who don't understand this alternate personality of mine think I'm some dirty horny and crazy teenager obsessed with sex and drugs and partying all the time. I'm not going." He said, sipping his water. Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry that I gave you the impression that you had a choice. You are going, I already told her you would go." 

Eren groaned. "Mikasa! Why do you always do this?" He whined. Mikasa wasn't having it. 

"Get dressed. We still have school and we have to get Armin." She said, getting up from the couch. "And don't you dare try and skip out on it. Because I will find out, and then you and 'Jake' will be in living hell," she warned, cutting him a glare. 

Eren huffed, glaring back at her, but she could always out glare Eren. 

"Fine," he muttered, drinking the rest of his water. "But if I don't like it, I'm not going back."

"Whatever. Get dressed and take your damn medication." She said, turning and walking down the hall.

Eren huffed, tempted to mimic her when she left, but knew it would be pointless. Besides, he didn't want to trigger any of the things that sent him to go all Jake mode again. He stood from the couch and went to his room, closing the door.

He had to dig through his clothes to find his clothes which Jake had buried under his more edgy clothing (yes, Jake had clothes of his own). He found his favorite white and black striped tee and green cardigan, pulling them on along with his light blue pedal pusher pants and his black Toms, topping it off with his black fedora and nonprescription wide framed glasses. They doubled as sunglasses, which he needed, thanks to the party. He looked a little better after he showered and brushed his hair, but his eyes still had a tired look about them. Once he got dressed he gratefully accepted the coffee pot Mikasa handed to him when he entered the kitchen. A long pour of french vanilla creamer, three sugars and swirl of whipped cream to mask the bitter taste of the coffee that he'd poured into his favorite tumbler. Mikasa shook the loxapine prescription bottle, and watched him as he swallowed the day's dose down with the coffee. After passing her check test, they made their way out the door.

"You clean up well," Mikasa said, which Eren took as a compliment.

"I guess Jake's given me a lot of practice," he grumbled, sipping his coffee and flipping down the sunglasses part of his glasses. Mikasa rolled her eyes, as any mention of his flipped personality made her cringe.

"You're pretty upbeat, for someone who had such a wild night."

"Mostly because I surrounded myself with things that make me feel like me," he explained. "Dr. Zoe suggested I do that whenever I get back from Jake-land. It works pretty well. Despite yesterday." He said, taking another sip of coffee. "Now all I need to do is spend some time with Armin and punch Jean in the balls, I think I'll be even better." He finished, smiling brightly.

Yeah, 

Maybe today would be a great day after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! I am just transferring all my Wattpad stories to AO3. There may be some slight changes to the story for clarity sake, etc., but it shouldn't change too much. A bit of a spoiler: A lot of people have commented in the past about the mismatch of symptoms of Eren's diagnoses. This was intentional, and I do not mean to insult or make anyone upset and insist I don't know what I'm talking about. Just keep reading (I need to keep updating rip) and it'll all make sense!  
> Follow my wattpad and tumblr!  
> Wattpad: Mr_Rivaille_  
> Tumblr: sociallyawkwardsetter (more Haikyuu!! related fyi)


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